Sweet Memories

Every time that I see this picture I think: "we are so beautiful"! we almost looks like brothers... even if we didn't do exactly what brothers are meant to do ahah.

I love this picture, it reminds me one of the best night I ever had in Melbourne, maybe one day I'm gonna talk about that "delicious" night eheh, ended with a win of $10.000 at the Casino!... ok I'm kidding, we didn't win anything!! (even if we doubled our $20 budget!... and then lost everything ahah too funny!)

DAY 400: Matteo's New English dictionary

“Embarrassed”...every time that I pronounced that word someone laughed because of my wrong accent, with the stress of the word put in the wrong position.

But the best from Matteo's English dictionary still had to come... “appositly!”. This word (appositly) doesn't exist, however the meaning would be “on purpose” and I said that for 6 months and Ben never corrected me!

Reading this, you can easily think that Ben doesn't listen to me at all (even if sometimes it might be good not to listen to me and my complex reasonings); anyway I think there were too many mistakes in my speech, so it wouldn't have changed much correcting one more or one less!

Many times I made up my own word just guessing... trying to adapt the Italian root of the words with an English suffix (which is something that a crazy guy with a degree in Italian Linguistic as me would do!)

But where did it come the word “Appositly”? Here the explanation:

1. all the words ending with -MENTE usually end with -LY in English
2. apposita-mente = apposit-ly... (dropping the “a” because it's a vowel)

When did I discovered about this terrible mistake?

One day I was in Ben's car with Monique (Ben's colleague from work) during a lunch-break in South Melbourne. When I said a sentence using “appositly”, Monique turned the head asking “what??” and I repeated “yes, appositlyyy!”

She said: “but it's not a word”.

I said: “Bennn, what?! You never told me it was wrong!!”

He answered: “ohhh, you know, you say so many words!”

He was right ...appositly!

DAY 588: a card, a badge and the future

I miss Ben I really miss Ben a lot.

This morning I woke up with a lovely call from him, he called me because he received my Valentine's card. I was scared about the eventuality that he wouldn't have liked it, considering that as a "child card"... but Ben loved it! I'm so happy!

There were 3 pages in the card:

Today I started my master course at RAI (the Italian National broadcaster) I'm very happy about it because it will be an incredible full immersion in the world of new technologies, graphic and web design! 

But In this way I won't be able to chat with Ben in the morning :-( ... the only occasion will be on Sunday. Luckily when the time difference with Australia will be 8 Hours (around the end of March) we might be able to chat during my lunch break!

Today I acted as Ben because I need a badge to get in the RAI building (as Ben in Channel 7 building!), that's funny, how many coincidences!!! :-)

I'm happy but very scared as well, happy for what I'm going to study, sad because I miss him.

I'm also searching for a room in Florence, and it's hard to find one... I wish I could still stay with Ben and have our room and our life together... yes, sometimes we had problem... but I probably loved the problems as well ahah. 

I really wish one day it will happen what I wrote in the last page of the card.

DAY 221: Valentine's day

Last year I celebrated Valentine's day for the first time in my life! It was the first time for Ben as well (I'm pretty sure, and in any case there's no reason to be jealous of that :-).

I got up in the morning finding a bright yellow sunflowers bunch... but there was more, Ben bought me a little teddy bear and a big bar of toblerone as well.

Ben doesn't like to be too sweet instead of me, but when he acts in this way he is the best! He also bought me a card where there was a wheel to spin and see what was my reward for the day!

As present I did a little "book" to study italian, with all the typical italian colours on the cover and Ben's name on an Italian soccer jersey on the back.

The rest of the day was beautiful, we went to St. Kilda for a Festival and then we had dinner at Rococò, a very nice and yummy place.

I have lots of pictures which belongs to that day, photos taken in the bed with flowers and teddy bears!

This morning (February 2011) I'm looking for the card and the teddy Bear, to take them to Florence (Where I'm going to study for the next months)... however it seems as if they disappeared! What have you done mum?! ahah

DAY 183: My first night in Melbourne

Ben thought he would have seen me dressed in red.

I was dressed in red the second night that I was in Barcelona, but I don't think this was the main reason why he thought I would have been in red. Probably he saw many pictures of me on facebook with red clothes, or maybe just because red is the colour of passion, and I always act as a thunder of energy.

Actually I like that colour! So he wasn't totally wrong.

(a picture from Barcelona's nights)

However I wasn't wearing red that night, I had a grey fleece jumper and I wasn't as cute as I hoped after 22 hours of flight... I was a mix of “Matteo and Garbage”!

I was really really excited, I couldn't wait to see him again after our three nights together in Barcelona. It was a risk, it was a long jump, but there were too many coincidences... I deeply knew it that Ben was a good boy, I always trust my sensations and hopefully I was right.

Ben was scared about the possibility that I wouldn't like him... I had the same feeling some days before, but there were too many things that we both had in common to not give a chance and a sequel to the unforgettable Barcelona's nights.

At the airport Ben was waiting with his friends Rob and Glen. During the way back home It was amazing the scenery of the city in the night with all the skyscraper lighted, I had never been I an a metropolis like Melbourne, it was like a movie for me!

We went to Glen's to drink some wine and have a nice talk then straight to Ben's house. 

One of the first thing that I saw in there was the photo of me and Ben on the fridge... it was so cute, it was a picture of us from Barcelona. Soon After I had a shower to clean my “Bin flavour” and then I went in our room and I kissed him, I waited that moment so long!

It was from 2 hours that we wanted to do that, I can still remember a worried Ben while we were drinking at Glen, he was probably thinking “will he kiss me or won't he?” using an imaginary daisy in his fantasies.

If I had telepathic abilities I would have transferred in Ben's mind a little bit of relax “you of course!”.

We were both embarrassed but just one kiss helped to thaw out and re-start from the point where we stopped in Spain 6 months before.

DAY 585: More than words

This morning I spoke with Ben on skype.

I had a very good time, we don't use much skype, which makes these occasions special.

We had a 1 hour and 25 minutes session, but I wished it would have last forever! .... I know I shouldn't be soooo sweet, but it's Valentine's day tomorrow!

Sometimes after a big laugh or a funny moment we stayed in silence... not because we didn't know what to say, but because if those moments would have happened in reality there would have been a kiss or a hug.

When you don't have nothing else to say, and a cuddle worths more than words.

I miss Ben so much!

DAY 251 - 70 Days of Feelings

I was leaving Australia that day, at the end of the Summer.

I spent two and an half months in Melbourne... my time to come back to Italy was arrived, I had to come back to finish to write my thesis and achieve my graduation.

Before leaving I wanted to give Ben a present, I was planning something nice to let him a beautiful memory of me.

It had to be a “concrete” thing, something thoughtful, an art object with a deep meaning.

The image on the painting would have been the re-analysis of one of my older and most beautiful works I've ever done. Originally it was the last one of a painting series made of 9 pieces, the one where the passion triumphs.

But this time the meaning wasn't just an imaginary idea, it was something that really happened.

It was our story in a phrase: “70 days of feelings”... while in the back of the painting there was an explanation sentence “Once upon a time I had a feeling... and now I had 70 days of feelings”. (remember that we knew each other while there was the song "I gotta feeling")

Two hands, the passion, us.

I left the painting over the bed, standing on the wall, ready to surprise Ben as soon as he opened the door of our room. He really liked that :-)

Actually, I stayed 69 days and a few hours in Australia, however I couldn't write “69 days of feelings” the meaning would have changed in a very rude way! ahah

DAY 582: Oral Hygiene

This morning I had a visit for my mandible problems and I went into a universitary clinical room... it was like living an episode of Grey's Anatomy!

Tonight I was driving thinking about many things which belongs to the word of the "oral hygiene".

Teeth, toothpaste, mouths, smiles, mirrors, Ben

Matteo: "ok, I'm going to wash my teeth"
Ben "to brush your teeth, not to wash"
Matteo "ok, I'm going to BRUSH my teeth :-)"

We repeated this dialogue so many times every night! But suddenly another thing appeared in my mind, it was Ben again, and he was brushing his teeth, and he was doing a silly face watching me through the mirror. While I was driving I felt exactly the same sensation that I had months ago and I laughed... I was laughing in the car at the traffic light stop thinking about that.

That's a really nice little memory

DAY 1: Suddenly him

If love would be an image, now, after all that I went through, I think I saw it.

I was dancing, I turned my head and there was him.

He seemed taller and musclier than me, I felt like he appeared from nothing, sent by a miracle, during the hot Barcelona's summer, when “Toca's miracle” song (by Fragma) was one of the main discos anthem.

We spoke little time, like... 30 seconds ahah (People can easily make jokes about this and explain the short conversation with my bad English abilites) and then we kissed.

I hugged him gently and kissed his lips while in the background there was the song “I gotta feeling” by Black eyed peas. That song would have become “our” song.

I didn't even want to go to Barcelona because I wasn't in a good mood, luckily my friend Yuri convinced me very well and we had the biggest short holiday I ever had in my whole life, I've never experienced something like that since a long time, from 2004 to be precise.

Ben is Australian, he was in Barcelona for holidays as well, but for him it was just a little part of his trip all over the world.

It was an unexpected thunder in my life, somebody would call it “love at first sight”.

Destiny sometimes can be surprising, because after that night our story wasn't finished, it was just the begin.

your / our

I loved when Ben used to correct me when I said things like “it's in your room”.

He said “it's our room”.

These little things meant a lot to me.

And even if the bed wasn't the most comfortable... I really miss that room, our little world.

DAY 580: Don't stop...

It's 8 pm and in tv there's the last episode of Glee. I remember when I watched it with Ben in Australia.
I felt terribly sad after the end of that episode (Moreover during the same night, Marion from Masterchef, my favorite character in that reality show, lost the pressure test and left Masterchef Australia..).

And now that the episode it's finished I felt sad again, I wish I could stay with Ben on the couch and hug him as I did last time.

♪ Don't stop believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlight, people ♪

DAY 576: Moments like this

I feel so depressed... sometimes I suddenly fall in this condition, I miss so much Ben that I couldn't think about anything else. I'm trying to keep my mind busy, but it doesn't work well, I just want to hug him.
And what can I do? ...I eat! I eat whatever I find in the kitchen, not exactly the best way to slim and get ready for the next summer!
This morning I did a Lemon tarte with a meringue topping, it was one of the best dessert I ever had in Melbourne (at "Cosi"). I always wanted to make one for Ben, but I Never had the occasion :-(

I miss when Ben gave me a kiss early in the morning before going to work. 

He was so cute waring his suit, the best way to get up early in the morning.

Have a good day at work / buon lavoro!

...

And I miss when Ben called me “cutie pie”...

but I'm sure he doesn't miss when I used to call him “big groundhog” ahah. He didn't like it... but I love it!

Ok now I should come back to reality and do something.

DAY 556: Dog days

Here in my Italian hometown (Casale) my friend Benedetta and her girlfriend have a dog together, it's a white golden retriever, although all of my friends say that Benedetta swapped the dog with another labrador at the park.

I think I'm in love with the little Tommy (the dog's name). When I am at Benedetta's I play with him as I never did before... in-fact I've never been excited about dogs in the past and I didn't touch them at all because I didn't want to get my hands dirty...

I know, my one was a stupid idea, but it's never too late to learn and share something with a new little hairy friend.

I think I started to cuddle Tommy because I miss Ben. When I open the door of Benedetta's house the dog jumps on me and gets really happy seeing me, I'm happy too in that moments, and I forget about how hard is this distance from Ben. Everybody should understand that this is so difficult because my story with Ben wasn't finished, we had our problems, but it wasn't finished and I left a piece of me in Australia.

I wish one day me and Ben could have a dog together as well (and my housewife dark side suggests to get big backyard too :-). Ben loves dogs, every time we saw a puppy somewhere he changed his voice using the same “soft voice” that Letizia (my Italian friend who loves dog) use when she meets a four legged friend.

I promise I won't be jealous about the dog!!! I won't be such a dick-head, even if I know I have this “Italian jealousy problem” in me :-)

DAY 382: Liquorice legs

I don't like having fight with Ben, many times we fought because I asked some questions about our situation and our future, other times for silly things... as “how to clean the dishes”.... (when the dark housewife side of me comes out!)

Every time after a fight I felt terribly sorry and guilty, I wish my head isn't as hard as it is (Capricorn influences... there's nothing to do! It's written in the stars!).

It wasn't always my fault but Ben is so quiet and peaceful... and the few times that he shouted at the I got really scared... because he never does that! Never!

But after a fight something nice always happened. This reminds me when after a slight fight in the morning Ben came back home in the afternoon with a present for me, I didn't expect that, it was an amazing T2 set (the most famous Australian Tea and Herbal tea brand) with my favourite flavour “liquorice legs” with mint & liquorice.

This is not the only time Ben bought me a present, there has been and there will be many more I'm sure. He has always been kind to me, giving me lots of attentions.

DAY 459: The darkest day

We went to the Railway hotel again, me and Ben were totally drunk and something bad happened... few moments later we were down on a street fighting as it never happened before...

I really thought my story with Ben was finished, I cried, cried and cried an shouted to him as I never did before.

That night we were in same bed together as usual but we didn't really sleep. The morning at 6 a.m. passion tried to heal everything but It took almost two weeks to put all the pieces back together and to feel 100% well again.

I stayed silent for a whole week, every morning when I walked to work I thought and thought about it and every time when I stopped at the same traffic light I cried.

A lovely weekend in Ringwood at Ben's parents house helped me a lot, we re-found our harmony again sitting on a green couch and talking to each other about our points of view. Just an hour before our "peace moment" Ben showed me once more that he really care about me and he had a fight with one of his best friends to protect me and our relationship.
Ben has his little "dark sides" but it's just the exception that proves the rule, and the rule is that he is the sort of guy that you will never be scared to live a life with.
That's why I'm jealous, because he is perfect to my eyes.

DAY 186: A refreshing summer afternoon

We went to a place called Railway, they told me it was one of the best hotel / bar to enjoy friends and drinks during the hot Melbourne's summer.

At the begin I was surprisingly shocked by the price of alcohol (in Italy drinks and cocktails are much cheaper, for example and you can get a good bottle of vodka for $10) but soon I forgot about that, it was one of my first days there and I wanted to enjoy them as much as possible.

I would never forget my first Pimm's jug, as big as a bottle and full of strawberries, cucumber, lime, orange, lemon and of course its main element... the Pimm's, a light british alcohol that I never had before in my life!.

It was so cool, although they taught me “cool” is not anymore a cool word, it was the best way to begin my Australian experience!

At the Railway it was full of new people to to know; the funny thing was that these “strangers” already knew about my existence, they knew that me and Ben met in Spain the last summer.

They were happy, they actually couldn't believe I came to Australia.

DAY 20: An sms from the "past"

I was driving in a street close to my Florence's house, it was morning. I don't remember exactly why I was driving (considering that my car was usually parked at the top of the hill behind my house to not pay the parking meter...) but I remember stopping at the traffic lights and starting to write an sms, It was an sms for Ben, I knew he was arrived in NY from 1 day and an half (to continue his summer trip all over the word) and I was curious to see how it was going.

I needed to text just one more word and the the message would have been sent... but suddenly “din din” another message was arrived in my mobile inbox... it was Ben! 6 hours far away because of the time zone, but perfectly aligned with our “interior time”. I was so excited, when I sent that message few seconds later I thought that there were already too many positive coincidences... :-)

DAY 452: Just a little question

I asked Ben:

“which one do you think is the best day that you have spent with me”?

He said that it was when I came back in May, during the route to the airport when he came to pick me up around 5am. He was so excited that he couldn't sleep the night, and driving on the freeway in the middle of night was electrifying.

DAY 316: The return

After 2 months spent in Italy studying hard to achieve my degree I came back to Melbourne.

When the airplane landed I knew Ben was already at the airport waiting even it was 5.30 am.

I collected my baggage and I was ready to go to the quarantine controls (in Australia they are very inflexible with controls!) hoping that my Italian biscuits weren't “toxic”.

The Krumiri (the name of the biscuits from Casale Monferrato, my Italian hometown) went into a strange machinery whereas a man similar to a Japanese scientist was looking at a digital screen.

Everything was all right, the high percent of butter wasn't a problem for the quarantine desk!

I put my hands on the luggage trolley and I started to run towards the automatic door,

“go Matteo go!” it was the voice in my head!

The door opened and... crush!

The trolley bumped against the corner of the door!

Ben saw me, he smiled. The first image he had of me was my clumsiness become real! Then I reached and kissed him, finally after waiting long two months.

It was the begin of the second and biggest part of my story with Ben.