DAY 580: Don't stop...

It's 8 pm and in tv there's the last episode of Glee. I remember when I watched it with Ben in Australia.
I felt terribly sad after the end of that episode (Moreover during the same night, Marion from Masterchef, my favorite character in that reality show, lost the pressure test and left Masterchef Australia..).

And now that the episode it's finished I felt sad again, I wish I could stay with Ben on the couch and hug him as I did last time.

♪ Don't stop believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlight, people ♪

DAY 576: Moments like this

I feel so depressed... sometimes I suddenly fall in this condition, I miss so much Ben that I couldn't think about anything else. I'm trying to keep my mind busy, but it doesn't work well, I just want to hug him.
And what can I do? ...I eat! I eat whatever I find in the kitchen, not exactly the best way to slim and get ready for the next summer!
This morning I did a Lemon tarte with a meringue topping, it was one of the best dessert I ever had in Melbourne (at "Cosi"). I always wanted to make one for Ben, but I Never had the occasion :-(

I miss when Ben gave me a kiss early in the morning before going to work. 

He was so cute waring his suit, the best way to get up early in the morning.

Have a good day at work / buon lavoro!

...

And I miss when Ben called me “cutie pie”...

but I'm sure he doesn't miss when I used to call him “big groundhog” ahah. He didn't like it... but I love it!

Ok now I should come back to reality and do something.

DAY 556: Dog days

Here in my Italian hometown (Casale) my friend Benedetta and her girlfriend have a dog together, it's a white golden retriever, although all of my friends say that Benedetta swapped the dog with another labrador at the park.

I think I'm in love with the little Tommy (the dog's name). When I am at Benedetta's I play with him as I never did before... in-fact I've never been excited about dogs in the past and I didn't touch them at all because I didn't want to get my hands dirty...

I know, my one was a stupid idea, but it's never too late to learn and share something with a new little hairy friend.

I think I started to cuddle Tommy because I miss Ben. When I open the door of Benedetta's house the dog jumps on me and gets really happy seeing me, I'm happy too in that moments, and I forget about how hard is this distance from Ben. Everybody should understand that this is so difficult because my story with Ben wasn't finished, we had our problems, but it wasn't finished and I left a piece of me in Australia.

I wish one day me and Ben could have a dog together as well (and my housewife dark side suggests to get big backyard too :-). Ben loves dogs, every time we saw a puppy somewhere he changed his voice using the same “soft voice” that Letizia (my Italian friend who loves dog) use when she meets a four legged friend.

I promise I won't be jealous about the dog!!! I won't be such a dick-head, even if I know I have this “Italian jealousy problem” in me :-)

DAY 382: Liquorice legs

I don't like having fight with Ben, many times we fought because I asked some questions about our situation and our future, other times for silly things... as “how to clean the dishes”.... (when the dark housewife side of me comes out!)

Every time after a fight I felt terribly sorry and guilty, I wish my head isn't as hard as it is (Capricorn influences... there's nothing to do! It's written in the stars!).

It wasn't always my fault but Ben is so quiet and peaceful... and the few times that he shouted at the I got really scared... because he never does that! Never!

But after a fight something nice always happened. This reminds me when after a slight fight in the morning Ben came back home in the afternoon with a present for me, I didn't expect that, it was an amazing T2 set (the most famous Australian Tea and Herbal tea brand) with my favourite flavour “liquorice legs” with mint & liquorice.

This is not the only time Ben bought me a present, there has been and there will be many more I'm sure. He has always been kind to me, giving me lots of attentions.

DAY 459: The darkest day

We went to the Railway hotel again, me and Ben were totally drunk and something bad happened... few moments later we were down on a street fighting as it never happened before...

I really thought my story with Ben was finished, I cried, cried and cried an shouted to him as I never did before.

That night we were in same bed together as usual but we didn't really sleep. The morning at 6 a.m. passion tried to heal everything but It took almost two weeks to put all the pieces back together and to feel 100% well again.

I stayed silent for a whole week, every morning when I walked to work I thought and thought about it and every time when I stopped at the same traffic light I cried.

A lovely weekend in Ringwood at Ben's parents house helped me a lot, we re-found our harmony again sitting on a green couch and talking to each other about our points of view. Just an hour before our "peace moment" Ben showed me once more that he really care about me and he had a fight with one of his best friends to protect me and our relationship.
Ben has his little "dark sides" but it's just the exception that proves the rule, and the rule is that he is the sort of guy that you will never be scared to live a life with.
That's why I'm jealous, because he is perfect to my eyes.

DAY 186: A refreshing summer afternoon

We went to a place called Railway, they told me it was one of the best hotel / bar to enjoy friends and drinks during the hot Melbourne's summer.

At the begin I was surprisingly shocked by the price of alcohol (in Italy drinks and cocktails are much cheaper, for example and you can get a good bottle of vodka for $10) but soon I forgot about that, it was one of my first days there and I wanted to enjoy them as much as possible.

I would never forget my first Pimm's jug, as big as a bottle and full of strawberries, cucumber, lime, orange, lemon and of course its main element... the Pimm's, a light british alcohol that I never had before in my life!.

It was so cool, although they taught me “cool” is not anymore a cool word, it was the best way to begin my Australian experience!

At the Railway it was full of new people to to know; the funny thing was that these “strangers” already knew about my existence, they knew that me and Ben met in Spain the last summer.

They were happy, they actually couldn't believe I came to Australia.

DAY 20: An sms from the "past"

I was driving in a street close to my Florence's house, it was morning. I don't remember exactly why I was driving (considering that my car was usually parked at the top of the hill behind my house to not pay the parking meter...) but I remember stopping at the traffic lights and starting to write an sms, It was an sms for Ben, I knew he was arrived in NY from 1 day and an half (to continue his summer trip all over the word) and I was curious to see how it was going.

I needed to text just one more word and the the message would have been sent... but suddenly “din din” another message was arrived in my mobile inbox... it was Ben! 6 hours far away because of the time zone, but perfectly aligned with our “interior time”. I was so excited, when I sent that message few seconds later I thought that there were already too many positive coincidences... :-)