Sweet Memories

Every time that I see this picture I think: "we are so beautiful"! we almost looks like brothers... even if we didn't do exactly what brothers are meant to do ahah.

I love this picture, it reminds me one of the best night I ever had in Melbourne, maybe one day I'm gonna talk about that "delicious" night eheh, ended with a win of $10.000 at the Casino!... ok I'm kidding, we didn't win anything!! (even if we doubled our $20 budget!... and then lost everything ahah too funny!)

DAY 588: a card, a badge and the future

I miss Ben I really miss Ben a lot.

This morning I woke up with a lovely call from him, he called me because he received my Valentine's card. I was scared about the eventuality that he wouldn't have liked it, considering that as a "child card"... but Ben loved it! I'm so happy!

There were 3 pages in the card:

Today I started my master course at RAI (the Italian National broadcaster) I'm very happy about it because it will be an incredible full immersion in the world of new technologies, graphic and web design! 

But In this way I won't be able to chat with Ben in the morning :-( ... the only occasion will be on Sunday. Luckily when the time difference with Australia will be 8 Hours (around the end of March) we might be able to chat during my lunch break!

Today I acted as Ben because I need a badge to get in the RAI building (as Ben in Channel 7 building!), that's funny, how many coincidences!!! :-)

I'm happy but very scared as well, happy for what I'm going to study, sad because I miss him.

I'm also searching for a room in Florence, and it's hard to find one... I wish I could still stay with Ben and have our room and our life together... yes, sometimes we had problem... but I probably loved the problems as well ahah. 

I really wish one day it will happen what I wrote in the last page of the card.

DAY 221: Valentine's day

Last year I celebrated Valentine's day for the first time in my life! It was the first time for Ben as well (I'm pretty sure, and in any case there's no reason to be jealous of that :-).

I got up in the morning finding a bright yellow sunflowers bunch... but there was more, Ben bought me a little teddy bear and a big bar of toblerone as well.

Ben doesn't like to be too sweet instead of me, but when he acts in this way he is the best! He also bought me a card where there was a wheel to spin and see what was my reward for the day!

As present I did a little "book" to study italian, with all the typical italian colours on the cover and Ben's name on an Italian soccer jersey on the back.

The rest of the day was beautiful, we went to St. Kilda for a Festival and then we had dinner at Rococò, a very nice and yummy place.

I have lots of pictures which belongs to that day, photos taken in the bed with flowers and teddy bears!

This morning (February 2011) I'm looking for the card and the teddy Bear, to take them to Florence (Where I'm going to study for the next months)... however it seems as if they disappeared! What have you done mum?! ahah

DAY 183: My first night in Melbourne

Ben thought he would have seen me dressed in red.

I was dressed in red the second night that I was in Barcelona, but I don't think this was the main reason why he thought I would have been in red. Probably he saw many pictures of me on facebook with red clothes, or maybe just because red is the colour of passion, and I always act as a thunder of energy.

Actually I like that colour! So he wasn't totally wrong.

(a picture from Barcelona's nights)

However I wasn't wearing red that night, I had a grey fleece jumper and I wasn't as cute as I hoped after 22 hours of flight... I was a mix of “Matteo and Garbage”!

I was really really excited, I couldn't wait to see him again after our three nights together in Barcelona. It was a risk, it was a long jump, but there were too many coincidences... I deeply knew it that Ben was a good boy, I always trust my sensations and hopefully I was right.

Ben was scared about the possibility that I wouldn't like him... I had the same feeling some days before, but there were too many things that we both had in common to not give a chance and a sequel to the unforgettable Barcelona's nights.

At the airport Ben was waiting with his friends Rob and Glen. During the way back home It was amazing the scenery of the city in the night with all the skyscraper lighted, I had never been I an a metropolis like Melbourne, it was like a movie for me!

We went to Glen's to drink some wine and have a nice talk then straight to Ben's house. 

One of the first thing that I saw in there was the photo of me and Ben on the fridge... it was so cute, it was a picture of us from Barcelona. Soon After I had a shower to clean my “Bin flavour” and then I went in our room and I kissed him, I waited that moment so long!

It was from 2 hours that we wanted to do that, I can still remember a worried Ben while we were drinking at Glen, he was probably thinking “will he kiss me or won't he?” using an imaginary daisy in his fantasies.

If I had telepathic abilities I would have transferred in Ben's mind a little bit of relax “you of course!”.

We were both embarrassed but just one kiss helped to thaw out and re-start from the point where we stopped in Spain 6 months before.

DAY 585: More than words

This morning I spoke with Ben on skype.

I had a very good time, we don't use much skype, which makes these occasions special.

We had a 1 hour and 25 minutes session, but I wished it would have last forever! .... I know I shouldn't be soooo sweet, but it's Valentine's day tomorrow!

Sometimes after a big laugh or a funny moment we stayed in silence... not because we didn't know what to say, but because if those moments would have happened in reality there would have been a kiss or a hug.

When you don't have nothing else to say, and a cuddle worths more than words.

I miss Ben so much!

DAY 582: Oral Hygiene

This morning I had a visit for my mandible problems and I went into a universitary clinical room... it was like living an episode of Grey's Anatomy!

Tonight I was driving thinking about many things which belongs to the word of the "oral hygiene".

Teeth, toothpaste, mouths, smiles, mirrors, Ben

Matteo: "ok, I'm going to wash my teeth"
Ben "to brush your teeth, not to wash"
Matteo "ok, I'm going to BRUSH my teeth :-)"

We repeated this dialogue so many times every night! But suddenly another thing appeared in my mind, it was Ben again, and he was brushing his teeth, and he was doing a silly face watching me through the mirror. While I was driving I felt exactly the same sensation that I had months ago and I laughed... I was laughing in the car at the traffic light stop thinking about that.

That's a really nice little memory

your / our

I loved when Ben used to correct me when I said things like “it's in your room”.

He said “it's our room”.

These little things meant a lot to me.

And even if the bed wasn't the most comfortable... I really miss that room, our little world.

DAY 580: Don't stop...

It's 8 pm and in tv there's the last episode of Glee. I remember when I watched it with Ben in Australia.
I felt terribly sad after the end of that episode (Moreover during the same night, Marion from Masterchef, my favorite character in that reality show, lost the pressure test and left Masterchef Australia..).

And now that the episode it's finished I felt sad again, I wish I could stay with Ben on the couch and hug him as I did last time.

♪ Don't stop believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlight, people ♪

DAY 576: Moments like this

I feel so depressed... sometimes I suddenly fall in this condition, I miss so much Ben that I couldn't think about anything else. I'm trying to keep my mind busy, but it doesn't work well, I just want to hug him.
And what can I do? ...I eat! I eat whatever I find in the kitchen, not exactly the best way to slim and get ready for the next summer!
This morning I did a Lemon tarte with a meringue topping, it was one of the best dessert I ever had in Melbourne (at "Cosi"). I always wanted to make one for Ben, but I Never had the occasion :-(

I miss when Ben gave me a kiss early in the morning before going to work. 

He was so cute waring his suit, the best way to get up early in the morning.

Have a good day at work / buon lavoro!

...

And I miss when Ben called me “cutie pie”...

but I'm sure he doesn't miss when I used to call him “big groundhog” ahah. He didn't like it... but I love it!

Ok now I should come back to reality and do something.

DAY 556: Dog days

Here in my Italian hometown (Casale) my friend Benedetta and her girlfriend have a dog together, it's a white golden retriever, although all of my friends say that Benedetta swapped the dog with another labrador at the park.

I think I'm in love with the little Tommy (the dog's name). When I am at Benedetta's I play with him as I never did before... in-fact I've never been excited about dogs in the past and I didn't touch them at all because I didn't want to get my hands dirty...

I know, my one was a stupid idea, but it's never too late to learn and share something with a new little hairy friend.

I think I started to cuddle Tommy because I miss Ben. When I open the door of Benedetta's house the dog jumps on me and gets really happy seeing me, I'm happy too in that moments, and I forget about how hard is this distance from Ben. Everybody should understand that this is so difficult because my story with Ben wasn't finished, we had our problems, but it wasn't finished and I left a piece of me in Australia.

I wish one day me and Ben could have a dog together as well (and my housewife dark side suggests to get big backyard too :-). Ben loves dogs, every time we saw a puppy somewhere he changed his voice using the same “soft voice” that Letizia (my Italian friend who loves dog) use when she meets a four legged friend.

I promise I won't be jealous about the dog!!! I won't be such a dick-head, even if I know I have this “Italian jealousy problem” in me :-)

DAY 382: Liquorice legs

I don't like having fight with Ben, many times we fought because I asked some questions about our situation and our future, other times for silly things... as “how to clean the dishes”.... (when the dark housewife side of me comes out!)

Every time after a fight I felt terribly sorry and guilty, I wish my head isn't as hard as it is (Capricorn influences... there's nothing to do! It's written in the stars!).

It wasn't always my fault but Ben is so quiet and peaceful... and the few times that he shouted at the I got really scared... because he never does that! Never!

But after a fight something nice always happened. This reminds me when after a slight fight in the morning Ben came back home in the afternoon with a present for me, I didn't expect that, it was an amazing T2 set (the most famous Australian Tea and Herbal tea brand) with my favourite flavour “liquorice legs” with mint & liquorice.

This is not the only time Ben bought me a present, there has been and there will be many more I'm sure. He has always been kind to me, giving me lots of attentions.